6 months already?!?

I can hardly believe the little guy has been part of our family for six months already... It has gone by so fast! We just love our Emmett and his hilarious personality. I can already tell you that the terrible twos will truly be terrible! He is such a GO'ER! He is trying so desperately to crawl but just can't seem to coordinate the bum and head being up at the same time. He is getting much better at playing with toys all by his lonesome, which has been a huge relief to mom and dad. Emmett also LOVES eating. We eat bread and crackers now, along with all the baby food he can get in his mouth. I know he wants to feed himself but so far just squishes it in his fist. Ah! He is just getting so big! We go to the doctor on Thursday so I don't know yet how his growth is... I do know he weighs over 16 lbs. And he is just so LONG. Anyway, here are a few pictures.

We recently rediscovered our tongue... it sure is a cute tongue!

I just got new computer and some editing software... I plan to edit these up all cute when I find the time. Ah. Time. When will I ever find you? But isn't this outfit just the cutest! How I love my mother and Tjmaxx...

We are sitting up all by ourselves these days. And these are our favorite jammies... or at least Dad's.

Thanks for all the wonderful comments and support... see post below. I have such great family and friends!

Tired

This is the kind of post that should probably wait till I can find the time to make the blog private... mostly because I am in the type of mood where I will say EXACTLY what I am feeling (this can be a curse or a blessing depending on the situation) and I really hate to offend anyone. But also because this is a little more personal then I usually write about. This post is really just for me. I am not looking for sympathy but rather a "hey, I've been there too" attitude so that I know I am not alone in my feelings of inadequacy or anger.

I am tired...

Tired of putting my whole heart, soul and time into something and then failing. I took my nursing boards this week and didn't pass. I studied so hard. I neglected my husband, baby and house for a few weeks and really studied... I have already shed my tears, had my grumpy days and am slowly gearing up to drop another couple hundred dollars and start the studying process again. It was hard the past coupe weeks to find the time to study... I don't know if you remember but I sorta have a 6 month old baby who is VERY active! :) Both me and Emmett were sick as well and my house became the biggest disaster I have ever seen. There was no food, nor were meals prepared, and grocery shopping got pushed to the end of the list... I am so lucky to have such a fabulous husband who, when he was home, did some cleaning and took care of Emmett... despite the fact that he works early mornings and has mucho homework. (See next paragraph) I decided to give myself a week to recooperate, clean and get feeling better. I plan to enjoy the nice weather, conference weekend and a little shopping in salt lake next week... and then it is back on the wagon! I won't fail again!

I am also tired of barely seeing my husband. He works in the morning at 6 heads up to school at 11 and gets home at 4, usually I head off to work at 5 and return home at 10 and we go to bed... What a life. I can't wait for the day when I can stay home with the baby and not have to work and when Preston is done with school! 2 years people.. and we will be done. Master's degree. Can't wait for that day. Preston is amazing at he does and I can't wait to see him use what he has learned! He is planning on Utah State for his master's program starting this fall. He is joining the ... well that's an entirely separate post altogether, which I will get to, all in good time. I will say that you will probably judge us but that I KNOW this is what has always been in store for our family. I don't like it very much but it is right. And in a few short years I can complain a little more about not seeing my husband...

Me: "Wow, I am exhausted. Emmett was up twice last night."

Coworker: "Well, it was your choice to have a baby.."

Um, yeah. It was my choice. And it was the BEST choice I ever made! I spent some time with a few friends from high school last night, friends I haven't really seen since graduation despite living in the same town. And I can't get over the comment "I'm not ready for kids, I'm too selfish". Now I simply ADORE the girl that made this comment but it hurt me inside. She was right I suppose, being a mom is extremely selfless, but I don't think I really discovered who I was till I had Emmett. He is the single most important thing in my life, okay Preston makes a close second. I don't think I fully understood "loving who you serve" before having a baby. I have done my fair share of service projects and helping those around me but really loving them...I realize I am kind of rambling and I guess I don't entirely know how to put into words how I feel right now. Simply put, I feel closer to my Heavenly Father each time I look into my little Emmett's eyes. I feel closer to my Savior as I sacrifice things that I want(or thought I wanted) in life to provide Emmett everything he needs. Life is definitely more complicated, and a whole lot more selfless, but I couldn't be happier.

When I sat down to write this I guess I intended it to be a little more bitter and full of rage... Isn't it amazing how the spirit can change the way you are feeling in a matter of minutes. Anyway, thanks for reading. Leave a comment. Loves.